i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
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you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
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who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I had to cum in my sink.
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