so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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