He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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