this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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