Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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