ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize