Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
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I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
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Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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