so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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