I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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