My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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