It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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