the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
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When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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