I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
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she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize