Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
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Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
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I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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