Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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