It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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