I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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