I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
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It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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