The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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