I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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