peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize