Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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