about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize