if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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