your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
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Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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