My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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