My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
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He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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