one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
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100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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