no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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