I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
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He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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