i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize