I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
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I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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