Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize