I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize