a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
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Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize