i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
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Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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