were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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