maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize