She said her name was "party"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
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Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize