I smell stomach acid.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize