I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
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I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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