i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A+ Viking dick
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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