i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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