Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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