I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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