Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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