Just fell off a train. Bad.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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