i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize