got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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