I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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